Archive for November, 2008

Sunday Morning news time change update

November 30, 2008

image595704xJust found why the villains who moved up Sunday Morning made their covert move.

Blame it on Captain Kangaroo. That’s the CBS version.

That means I spoke too soon, which often happens.  I shouldn’t have called them the CBS News idiots.  It’s more like the wimpy CBS News Idiots.  Sorry for the confusion.

A fixture in the 60s and 70s, Captain Kangaroo was canceled so that CBS could invent the CBS Morning News to take on NBC’s Today and ABC’s GMA, losing to these more established shows for decades even after hiring Bryant Gumbo…sorry, Gumbel, away from Today and other genius moves like that – Gumbo who got his start on channel 4 in L.A.

Enter the Dark Ages 90s, after CBS dressed and killed the Kangaroo, the powerful children’s lobby went into attack mode, the network wimps caved in and allowed how those 3 hours a week of children’s programming was a super important priority, blah and a blah blah blah, generally on Saturday mornings.

That would have worked well in the 70s, when L.A.’s CBS station  had Dusty’s Treehouse and the local ABC station had Soupy Sales – yeah right (“my wife can’t cook but she sure makes my banana cream” – children love those jokes) – and NBC had Mr. Roggin’s Neighborhood, based on PBS’ Mr. Rogers.  In time, all of these shows were cancelled, replaced by, well, whatever replaced them, generally not kid-friendly stuff.

In the new environment with must-carry chldren’s stuff, all the cartoons are generally programmed on early Saturday mornings.  When there’s only one Saturday college football game on CBS in L.A. , there’s enuff time to squeeze 3 hours into the time span starting at 6:30 a.m. when the children’s day begins by federal edict.  But with two games, meaning football starts at 9, 3 hours of children’s sausage can’t be wrapped into 2 1/2 hours of available time.

But can’t this genuine commitment to children’s needs be pushed ahead to Sat. p.m., when dad’s polished off his first six pak and mom’s out spending his money, viewers want to know.  No.  L.A.’s Sports Central with the unctuous Jim Hill occupies that slot, and he’s untouchable, tho do you know anyone who really watches it or would really miss it?  So all that means, programming for the kiddies gets put on between Face the Nation and the NFL pregame show, because no one wants to lose an hour of pregame.

Thus Sunday Morning viewers are left to scramble to the TV Times, put out weekly by the L.A. Times…oh, that’s gone the way of Captain Kangaroo too, thanks to Sam Zell, new owner of the Times…then the local edition of the TV Guide will surely carry the listing…oh, that’s gone the way of Soupy Sales, who’s now in a wheelchair, currently TV Guide is a celebrity driven glossy with zero attention given to local shows.

Sorry to say, if you don’t have the Internet, you lose.

…and Speaking of Judge Judy

November 30, 2008

images1Remember Judge Joe Wapner, the original People’s Court judge?  Had the personality of a 60s Joe Leiberman without the senate seat, but like McCain’s puppy dog Joe, with a now-obvious political agenda – just add more whining and you’ve got the all-purpose Joe.

My gripe, just like Wapner, is old.  He single handedly torpedoed Gerrymander reform in California put up by Gov. Arnold two elections ago.  Other than a pay day, what was Wapner’s quid pro quo?   How could Judge Joe lose, him being the secret father to Judge Judy…I guess daytime TV viewers carried the day and California is still stuck with illegal Gerrymandered districts thanks to a judge being paid to parrot the claims of the illegal practicioners – the political parties.

Think of that, the next time you watch People’s Court or Judge Judy.  Maybe Maury Povich, who used to anchor the news on good ol’ channel 2 in L.A. – between stints by Jim Lampley and Bart Simpson – or  whoever that NCAA play by play guy on ABC is – Brent Musburger as well as Burt Bacharach, Bert Lahr, Dean Martin, Charles Manson, Regis Philbin, Joey Bishop, Connie Chung and Howard the Duck at one time or another were Channel 2 News anchors during the past few decades – Maury could have Judge Judy and Judge Wapner on his show, rip open his DNA folder and proclaim, “Judge Joe…you ARE the father!”

48 Hours Mystery – the Ft. Collins Peeper

November 30, 2008

imagesFinally, speaking of CBS, 48 Hours Mystery last night ran a story on a kid railroaded into prison for 9 years for a murder he most likely had nada to do wtih, while his neighbor, a respected eye surgeon was surreptitiously video taping, cataloging and filing videotapes of unsuspecting women who pissed, crapped and fixed their titties – I’m getting a lot hot and bothered – in his guest bathroom.  The VCR switched from tape to tape to insure a complete view of everything.  The light switch acitivated the camera. He had even positioned the toilet paper roll to get the user to put her face in front of the camera. He had thought of everything, almost.

So what went wrong with this scheme?

His housesitter had sat her cute little pink bootie on the toilet seat – getting the vapors again! – when she heard this weird whirring.  She investigated, moving her ass to and fo, licking her lips, twirling her nipples – the camera refocused and whirred again and again.  She was on to something.  She moved very close to the source of the sound and the camera noisily readjusted.  She called the cops.  They looked through the vents, had her pull her panties, they got their eyeful…just joking about the last part.  He had done his last surgery, except the one on himself.

He was arrested and killed himself with a cyanide drip from an IV – seriously – in a motel room after he was bailed out on charges of filming wtihout a permit or some such.

How could he have avoided this fate?  Simple.  When the light switch activated the camera, it could have also activated a music system loud enough to cancel out the camera noise.  The moral:  if you’re going to plan a first class peeper system, make sure you cover all angles.

Sunday Morning Lost In the Schedule Created by Idiots at CBS

November 30, 2008

morning-newsNew to Politicx, the POD (Problem of the Day or Pissed Off Daily) – today’s POD is Sunday Morning.

Channel 2 – the CBS outlet in L.A. keeps its audience guessing.  Depending on their infomercial load, they subject their Sunday morning jewel news show into a mind numbing shuffle.   In the past month or so, it was predictably run at 7 a.m. to 8:30, so it seemed risk-free to set the VCR.  Not so fast.

This morning, up popped Sunday Morning at 6 a.m. to 7:30.  Why is this the case?  Is 60 Minutes plopped in at 6 p.m. or 8 p.m. without warning.  Actually, I guess it is – on the East Coast – when football runs long.  But there’s no football running long excuse for Sunday Morning.  How about skedding the Katie Couric news at 8 p.m. or 4:30, depending on whether the soaps or Judge Judy runs long or short?

Word is that the NBC station in L.A. is considering running the CBS Morning News.

In the Tank

November 29, 2008

an-empty-toilet-tankLately I’ve heard the following on cable TV…

On O’Reilly, “NBC is in the tank…”  Where is this tank, how many gallons does it hold, how often is it filled up and emptied, who fills the tank and empties it?  Or maybe it’s an army tank, in which case MSNBC should consider showing up at Fox to find out whether that cable system’s HQ is shell proof, being in the tank and all that.

On MSNBC, “we have reporters on the ground in Mubai.”  Where else would they be?  Floating around off the ground, which might make it a better experience…they could float up to a window, peer in and float away to report on it.

Politicians everywhere, “at the end of the day…”  Every day?  What time, midnight?  When it gets dark?  Why is that a better time to make a decision, since most of us are sleepy then, maybe even dozing off, after all, it’s the end of the day.

Cigars and Carlin and Contract on America

November 28, 2008

rushlimbaughcigarToday on Rush, I heard a palette of nonsense about smoking the best cigar of the day first, then dropping down the quality until it’s WalMart Tan time – like regular citizens don’t give a puff.  Then it was an important study about black umpires calling against white ballplayers and vice versa, keep that racial stuff coming Rush Bo until you convince the radio world you’re truly a racist idiot.

Then as if to prove he needs new writers, he trotted out the recently deceased comdian George Carlin.  Now you’re on sacred ground.  I knew Carlin, interviewed him twice.  What Rush ran were Carlin bits, not his basic philosophy, except he wanted to stick it to everyone, especially windbag idiots like El Rush Bo….whoops, I used the word idiot twice…sometimes only one term applies most correctly.  Carlin had no use for you…it was fools like you he would lampoon, as well as liberals, commies, Muslims, Christians, conservatives and the like…everyone who needed it…everyone except people who liked early 50s black vocal group harmoy…his first love from Irish Harlem.

And about the embarassingly failed Contract On America era – 1994, when Gingrich took over?  It wasn’t as Rush claimed because the conversatives stopped teaching their philosophy…it’s because leadership’s basic philosophy was that of bagging young groupies and interns – not unlike the White House policy – not unlike most seats of power, male or female, media or govt., private sector or public…or in their case, pubic.  They had feet of clay and other parts too, meaning a few key Repubs were immoral bastards who couldn’t keep it zipped up…so don’t spread that teaching conservatism nonsense, fertilizer is too expensive to waste.

Mumbai TV on Fox & CNN

November 26, 2008

fire7_385x185_440374a1For hours this very day, Fox, MSNBC and CNN were commandeered non-terrorist style by various Indian broadcasting entities to cover what could well have been treated by the media as an internal story pre-9/11.  Now every attack demands fresh coverage, right or wrong, this is our world.

It’s also a method for Engliash-speaking Indian field reporters and anchors to get their audition tapes in the hands of U.S. networks.

Currently, I’m watching a Hindi language interview from Cama Hospital and a cell phone photo of a shooter in a citibank tee shirt (???)

And whatever happened to Bombay anyway?

Incredibly Valuable

November 26, 2008

Today, El Rush-Bo described Sarah Palin as “incredibly valuable,” though he didn’t set a dollar price.  Also, per Rush, it’s not the turkey execution business, but the turkey slaughter business, one of just many businesses government “should get out of the way of.”

When it comes to those slaughter tubs, getting out of the way seems to be the way to go…especially if you’ve got feathers and gobble a lot.

But back to the value of a Palin, in a world of getting out of the way of the turkey slaughter biz, I’d say it’s something like this.  How many turkeys can you stuff in a tub over the time it takes for her to speak of her philosophy, multiply those minutes times the wholesale price of slaughtered turkeys, compound with the sense she makes and the stuffing the turkey takes and at least you have a per pound estimate.sarah-palin-turkey-video

Meat and Greet

November 26, 2008

turkey_pardon_20062can-meal-031kobe-beef-photo1Forgot to mention the meat…how Rush seemlessly blends in a mouthfull of Kobe beef and other meat products into his endless commentary about what’s wrong with the Prexy-elexy.  Now in his press conference, the new guy ends his third-in-a-row press conference, that’s about three year’s worth for Bush, not including today’s turkey pardon (Bush to bird, not bird in a Bush or bird to a Bush, as turkeys have no power to pardon since they don’t meet the age requirement of 35 to be president – does the constitution mention to qualify, presidents must be mammals?) referring to 81-year-old Paul Volcker’s turkey recipe.

I know Kobe beef sliders and inside sliders and honestly I prefer the Kobes on the inside, but I have no beef with turkey – not turnkey, which Bush will be doling out to additional turkeys like Scooter and other pals (can you say Cheney?), though it makes me drowsy, which might be the best part of tomorrow, considering the droll football games the NFL is presenting…and I suspect, the best of the three, AZ vs. Philly (w/ McNabb playing after being benched the previous Sunday – his chief credit being the subject of El Rushbo’s ugly comment about the town needing a quarterback who is black – are we picking up a theme?) might very well be presented as the NFL Network game of the week…leaving us over the air TV watchers with the Detroit Lions (defending the honor of the Big 3 – and I don’t mean Churchill, FDR and Stalin) with a zero and dozen record along the way, the league’s worst, a few days before the auto heads carpool their way back to DC in a Datsun, a pioneer product from the Japanese home of Kobe beef.  Remember Beef-A-Roni?

Rush Pirates this very Site!!!? and the Rookie Radical

November 25, 2008

rush_limbaugh_oyIt must be exhausting critiquing what hasn’t even happened yet…the new administration and Rush’s continued references to a “rookie radical” or was it “radical rookie”?  And exactly what is the difference between the two – why the rookie before the radical?

Both are better off as qualifiers of a word like…maybe, president?  Like “radical president” or “rookie president”?  Well, rookie president is interesting.  Every president I’ve ever heard of was a rookie at the moment he was sworn into office, so this one will be no different…no president was president before he was president, so each was a rookie.  Radical president?  What exactly does that mean?  If you’re the president, you’re the establishment, the anti-radical position, so a radical president is an oxycont…sorry, oxymoron.

Rookie radical?  If what Rush alleges is true, this radical is not rookie at being a radical, he’s an old hand…so he’s hardly a rookie radical per Rush’s own description.  Radical rookie?  Rookie is a newbie or a person in training, so since the word radical would modify rookie, then it would mean he’s a fast learner at escaping rookie status, I suppose.

And the Rush the pirate part?

Today Rush pirated an idea from this site tying piracy to citibank – how the pirates wanted a piece of the citibank bailout…except mine was funnier.  And his bit about George Obama of Kenya joining the pirates?  Lame.

Hey Rush, you’re making millions a year, this gig pays nothing…so steal from another millionaire and allow me to keep my own stuff.   Keep your big clammy hands off.

He even ripped off Bo Diddley with his El Rush Bo…difference is, Bo Diddley was original…El Rush Bo is derivative.