Archive for February, 2009

Al Sharpton To Visit Los Alamitos

February 28, 2009

Never one to sacrifice the opportunity to thrive on racial tensions, the Rev. Al Sharpton will be at the Los Alamitos (CA) council meeting this coming Tuesday to congratulate outgoing Mayor Dean Grose on his absolutely hysterical emailed joke about the Obama Easter egg hunt being canceled with the watermelon on the White House lawn imagery.

Advice to Grose:  tell him you’re a white woman in a business suit (he’ll believe that if your photo is any indicator)…or better yet, punt.deangrose


Rush Tells Lame Joke; Blames God

February 28, 2009

Fox News carried it; CNN carried it; CSPAN for heaven’s sake carried it…what was the big it?  CPAC (Creepy Pungent Ass  Crapper – sorry, Conserative  Political Action Cmte) presents Rush Limbaugh’s “first address to the nation” – a sorry gag he repeated over and over.

There was the ultra-stupid joke about Larry King going to heaven, finding out that God aspires to be Rush – there goes the Christians – and the one he told about Bobby Jindal and the 7-11, which he blamed on Biden.  Lemme get this straight, Rush tells a joke but it’s Biden’s fault?

Insanity would be a great defense.

Sweeps, HDTV, KCAL Conspiracy Theory

February 26, 2009

kcalWhat was supposed to happen in Feb?  Digital TV, that’s what.  What happened to TV’s Feb. sweep month?  March, that’s what.  Many shows which debut original episodes in Feb., the traditional month for ratings sweeps, showed reruns, saving the new ones for March.

Why were  Feb. sweeps  canceled?  Because of the potentially disruptive digital conversion that won’t happen until June.  Not May, because there’s a May sweeps.

Come to find out that videotaping cannot be done off digital TV unless the taping unit has an HDTV tuner, which isn’t available.  That means to tape one show and watch another, the viewer has to subscribe to cable for DVR or subscribe to Tivo.  No more free taping.  That’s the conspiracy.

Station of the week is L.A.’s KCAL, which when reporting on a crime or arrest or other public issue that involves phone calls…like calls to cops to help solve crimes…refer viewers to their web page for the info.  So if a viewer can help solve the crime and has no computer to access their web page, then they won’t call the phone number, because KCAL decided to withhold it to increase their web page counter.  That’s the other conspiracy.

Modest proposal.  Why broadcast the news at all…just refer the viewer to the all-important web page…KCAL, think of all the hits you’re missing by presenting it the old fashioned way – that is, by reporting it?

In fact, as I’m led to believe, TV casting of news, just like papers, is on its way out…all news on the Internet.  KCAL is just pushing the envelope, if you’ll allow me the jargon.  Except this envelope will have postage due.  In due time…just like the L.A. Times…

Is Leykis Fatter N Rush?

February 26, 2009

abc-radio-networkIn view of Tom Leykis being silenced on accounta his eating his originating radio station, the delicious KLSX (97.1) and Rush’s bigger than big ratings, influence and overall body weight, the newly released study that concludes, “it doesn’t make any difference what diet you choose. Calories have always been the bottom line,”  said a man with MD attached to his name…does all that blah-blah mean Tom and Rush should watch their bottom line?

Not so sez the head of the Fairness About Taking All You Can Eat Association (FAT ASS), Rich Dressing, this is an effort by the so-called home kitchen lobby that advocates reckless garbagization.

“These defenders of the archaic home cooking industry throw away those fatty and bony parts that create the most attractive items in our chow lines.  We see our customers mulching down on what the average housewife and partnered-up kitchen cruiser normally slice away from their nicely marbelled pot roast.  Encouraging over garbagization feeds the very rodents in the landfills who visit our storage rooms for variety and that extra helping of sweets.”

Limbaugh, who was involved in lining up a dinner to honor the excessively light on his feet Bobby Jindal for his single-handedly dismantling of the Obama porkulous plan and blaming the Obama adminstration for the botched federal response to Hurricane Katrina while wishing America a “Happy Mardi Gras” could not be reached for seconds.mailgooglecom

Hoping Rush’s anchor station WABC in the Big Apple would take a bite out of the ratings instead breeched the Citadel company’s flanks and ended up in its bottom line meaning their wholly owned ABC (American BS Council)  Radio is now becoming the General Motors of the broadcasting industry, which might soon go belly up.

“This will give American something to chew on,” said the company’s CEO (Chief Eating Officer) Sid A. Dell, who said their menu is to “tighten up our vulnerable flanks that will put a stake in the hungry heart of liberals.  It’s like Bruce, some tend to idolize, or tenderize him if you will, and we can digest him too if he’s able to fatten our wallets.  In all cases , Rush hates lean times.”  And lean cuts two ways – in his mouth and out his flanks – normally incapable of wielding stakes.

Leykis Bellies Up On Fat Tuesday

February 24, 2009

As if to put the viewer in the mood for Asha Blake’s announcement on the KTLA Morning News that today is Fat Tuesday, Tom Leykis appeared in black and shades as the man who ate KLSX and had a delicious dessert.

Tom entertains standing up as others sit and sips copious amounts of wine.  Umm, must be refreshing after digesting an entire radio station, transmitter and all.  Does AM go wtih red, FM with white?  Only Tom knows for sure.Tom Leykis

KTLA Morning News Crapcast

February 19, 2009

Ruing the upcoming cancellation of the KLSX talk format and the Tom Leykis local tittie talk show, Sam Rubin stated there are no  midday local talk shows on the radio.

Commercial stations, yes…but tune in 89,3 – KPCC – and you get shows with Larry Mantle and Pat Morrison from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. – sounds like midday to me – while on KTLA you get Steve Wilkos yelling at your retarded step dad for spending his paycheck on moonshine.

Not to be cnfused with the Channel 5 traffic helicopter sponsored by Mountain Dew…a leading cause of no-teeth syndrome in the hollows of Appalachia, at least according to Diane Sawyer, who hosts the competing Good Morning America on ABC.

Also KCRW does local talk with Warren Olney. Connecting it up to  L.A. talk radio in general…

About eight years ago, KFI’s John & Ken backed Sam Rubin down when the latter “guaranteed” the duo’s John Kobylt had an illegal maid and Kobylt threatened to sue.  Even more frightening  was when Kobylt’s old lady got on the phone and did a post-menstrual rant at Sam, so scary they excised it out of the replay of that hour which they used to run for reasons long since forgotten…making clear who wears the big pants in the Klan Kobylt.   Kobylt’s illegal alien housekeeper, butler and chauffeur had no comment.

Rush To Treason

February 13, 2009

In regard to his oft-repeated and oft-quoted “I hope he fails” about Obama’s attempt to do his job as president, Rush has scrambled to ‘splain himself by insisting it’s about his opposition to liberal policies.  So if that’s the case, why not state it that way?  Easy.  Because it’s not as attention grabbing- i.e. I wouldn’t be referencing it here – to satsify his meglomaniacal need for such attention.”

The downside is that a case could be made that Rush thusly committed treason – “aid and comfort to an enemy” and all that other boring small print stuff.  Rush as cell mate to Osama bin Laden in Guantanamo? Or maybe the Sadaam Hussein solution.

A Modest Proposal

February 11, 2009

The current worry amongst State Department and Justice Department types is the possibility narcostate_20070906_01Mexico could lapse into becoming a complete narco state, that is, a government run by and for the narcotics trade. And in that there are more murders in the northern states of Mexico than there are in Iraq and Afghanistan, with the complicity of law enforcement and political entities, that possibility is not at all remote.

Oh, woe is us if that happens, think the officials. Actually, the opposite is true, though it wouldn’t be in our interests to help hasten it in case it didn’t come into reality. Think about it.

Mexico is the producer nation, along with Afghanistan, Colombia and a few other choice areas. The U.S. is definitely the consumer state. Combine the fact that the #1 agricultural product of the highly agricultural state of California is marijuana, the economic benefits come in to clearer focus.

What we’re doing in criminalizing and punishing drug use, trade and production should be reversed. We should get over our historic need to punish and switch our orientation to encouraging and taxing this trade. Addicts will be addicts just like drunks will be drunks and smokers will be smokers (or cancer victims), despite our best prohibitionist instincts.

Drugs, prostitution and gambling will always be with us. It’s just a matter of punishment or acceptance that will determine whether it will cost us or pay us to eradicate or to tolerate them. Well, we’re starting to accept gambling, but the other two are great future sources of taxes.

And think about it once again. It would tend to empty out prisons of criminals who did their crimes for dope or traded in dope, which was criminal. With dope being sold like liquor or cigarettes, with governmental controls, their needs wouldn’t cause crime, nor would their trade. And if their drug-induced crimes resulted in imprisonment, the taxes generated by the sale of drugs would cover the costs.

Think less about punishment and more about taxing the legal drugs that would come in form the Narco State of Mexico.

Fox L.A. Kills Chris Brown or at least attempts to

February 10, 2009

While on the scene of the pending suicide of slow Bentley-driving girlfriend-beating shades-wearing paparazzi-subject Mustafa Mustafa , LA’s FOX11 reporter Susan Hirasuna breathlessly reported “this has not been confirmed” but a paparazzi told her inside the car was Grammy-skipping Rhianna-beating/biting defendant rapper Chris Brown, to which an anchor suggested a flaw in her report in that he was suposedly in Vegas.

Hirasuna had just come off the high of her own reporter chase – “I almost uttered an explexitive” when another TV van almost hit a paparazzi vehicle – “the humanity of it all” –  not to mention the potential FCC sanctions really did a yoeman’s job of reporting, though yoemen haven’t been in vogue for centuries.

Another notable comment was about press badges, in which Hirasuna observed that “every Manny Moe & Jack” in news reporting are trying to get these LAPD goodies.

Don’t forget DJ Khaled (who?) who issued a statement that he is in Florida and cannot be Mustafa Mustafa, neither can Manny Moe or Jack.khaled

Is the Rush Human or Merely Chicken?

February 10, 2009

chicken_back23Today at the end of the first hour, Rush said something I’d assumed he was incapable of…”I want to take something back.”

I was taken aback.

Generally, I take the wings and breasts, rarely the drumstick.  But he had taken aback.

Feathers ruffled, he admitted not knowing the difference between one and seven, having to do with the Senate stiumulus bill vote…was he himself self-stimulating his own bill?

Pretty chicken.